


Inside Out

by bansheee



Category: Simon vs. the Homo Sapiens Agenda - Becky Albertalli
Genre: 5+1 Things, First Love, Fluff, M/M, post book
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-09
Updated: 2017-07-09
Packaged: 2018-11-30 00:48:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,573
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11452521
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bansheee/pseuds/bansheee
Summary: Simon thought about the emails. He thought about the carnival. About Oreo mush and Justin Bieber. About Blue and about Bram, and about being in love with Blue and being in love with Bram.-or-Five times Simon tried to tell Bram he loved him and one time he does.





	Inside Out

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is a gift for the wonderful [@mavilezt](https://twitter.com/mavilezt), who, if you didn't know, is the artist behind those absolutely adorable Simon/Bram and Monty/Percy paper dolls you keep seeing floating around Twitter. Mariana, I hope you love it!

The first time was probably a little too soon.  
  
As Simon sat in the car with Bram, heart racing in his chest and water dripping from the curls of his hair, he wanted to say it right then and there. It was true. Simon was so absolutely in love with Blue.  
  
He looked over and watched Bram push his key into his car’s ignition. Bram was shivering from the cold, and Simon felt like he was going to melt. Even if he told himself a thousand times that Cute Bram Greenfeld was the boy behind Blue, he still couldn’t believe he was sitting in Blue’s car. With Blue. Because Blue was real.  
  
Instead of spilling out his thoughts and scaring Bram off, Simon said looked up and said, “Abraham.”  
  
*  
  
The second time there were too many people around.  
  
It didn’t take long for the novelty of teasing Bram and Simon at lunch to wear off. And really, Simon expected it. Skipping lunch together two days in a row didn’t go unnoticed by a bunch of AP nerds. Between Abby shooting smiles at him whenever Bram spoke, and Nick and Garrett turning the conversation back to Simon and Bram every chance they could, their friends really knew how to talk about NOTHING else for the first week.  
  
Simon thought it probably should embarrass him, but it was impossible to be embarrassed when you were that happy.  
  
Eventually, Garrett came to the lunch table one day with a ridiculous grin and showed them all a Vine of someone that probably ended up in the hospital. The conversation bounced between topics until it landed on Leah, Morgan, and Anna hating on the upcoming holiday. After that, things started to fall into a new sort of normal for Simon.  
  
A really freaking awesome normal where Simon got to hold Bram Greenfeld’s hand under the lunch table every day.  
  
“It’s supposed to be romantic,” Abby argued. Simon gave her props for sticking up to Leah; she and Leah patched things up a little bit, but it definitely wasn’t smooth sailing yet.  
  
“It’s a corporate holiday to guilt people into buying material goods to prove their love,” Leah deadpanned.  
  
Abby rolled her eyes. “You’re all cynics, all three of you.” Simon smiled at Leah and Nick. “Well, you all can keep hating it, and I’ll keep all of the chocolate to myself.” Abby turned to Simon. “Are you guys doing anything special?” Simon rolled his eyes at the suggestive tone her voice took.  
  
“It’s a surprise,” Simon said, grinning to Bram.  
  
“I don’t think he actually has anything planned,” Bram told Abby. “I think we’re going to be sitting at his house on the fourteenth working on our Brit-Lit analysis papers.”  
  
Simon rolled his eyes and laughed. “No faith, Greenfeld. Just wait.”  
  
Bram’s cheeks flushed the way they always did when Simon called him by his last name. It started as a novelty after one of Bram’s soccer practices, and Simon did it whenever he wanted to see the color trickle into Bram’s cheeks. Which, admittedly, was all the time. Still, Bram laughed and tossed his arm over the back of Simon’s chair. Abby grinned like it was Christmas.  
  
The cafeteria was full of people, but Simon didn’t care. He leaned over and rested his head against Bram’s shoulder.  
  
He could say it. Leah, Morgan, and Anna were still talking about Valentine’s day, and Garrett was frowning at Leah. Abby was back to talking with them, and Nick was laughing at Garrett. And god, it was so freaking true. Watching Bram’s eyes light up when he teased Simon made Simon’s heart beat faster every time. Getting to see Bram open up around him made Simon fall in love with him so much more every day.  
  
Simon twisted so he could kiss Bram’s cheek, before sitting back up. Bram smiled shyly at him, and Simon returned it.  
  
*  
  
The third time was in algebra, and really, you don’t say your first I love you in algebra.  
  
As soon as the words _you can work in pairs_ left their algebra teacher’s lips, the class erupted in loud whispers and shared glances. Simon shot a look to Bram. Bram smiled at him, and Simon tapped his fingers on his desk excitedly until their teacher freed them to work. As soon as people started trading seats and moving desks, Simon picked his up while he was still in it and dragged it next to Bram’s.  
  
“Hey, partner.”  
  
Bram rolled his eyes, and Simon watched him fight a smile. Bram shifted his open textbook so it was in on both of their desks as Simon flipped his notebook to a clean page.  
  
To their credit, they actually worked pretty well together. Algebra wasn’t his favorite subject, (though the company in class made it significantly better than the first half of the year) but between Bram’s brain and his, they got their classwork done fairly quickly and even managed to make a dent in that night’s homework.  
  
“Did you get B equals forty-eight for number three?” Bram asked. He leaned over and looked at Simon’s paper. Their arms brushed as Bram slid his pencil over, and Simon felt his cheeks go warm. He loved that Bram was left-handed. “You missed a simplification here.” Bram touched the tip of his pencil to Simon’s mistake, his arm grazing Simon’s as he did.  
  
Simon flipped his pencil over and erased his work. “What would I do without you?” He shot Bram a soft smile.  
  
“Fail algebra,” Bram deadpanned.  
  
Simon laughed. _Thanks, love you, too_ came to his thoughts, but he couldn’t bring himself to say it. Instead, he leaned over and drew a small heart on the corner of Bram’s paper. Simon watched the sides of Bram’s mouth curl into a smile when he saw it, and Simon bumped their arms together.  
  
“Mr. Spier, Mr. Greenfeld, are you all finished with the assignment?” Simon jumped away from Bram. Their teacher looked over her glasses at them and Simon wanted to sink to the floor. Simon could see Nick and Garrett fighting laughter.  
  
When she walked away, Bram bumped his knee into Simon’s under the desk. Simon smiled at him before erasing his work and copying Bram’s.  
  
*  
  
The fourth time, Simon chose to do something else with his mouth.  
  
_Last night was amazing and I’m not complaining, but my ears are still ringing. I didn’t know Justin Bieber’s fans could reach such high decibels._  
  
Simon smiled at his phone.

 _I’m going to be so mad at you if you didn’t wear the shirt to school. I probably won’t even kiss you._  
  
“Are you going to turn the car off or are you just going to sit in the parking lot and text Bram all day?” Nora asked, reaching to the back seat to grab her backpack.  
  
“How do you know I’m texting Bram?” Simon asked. His phone gave a buzz and he looked back down.  
  
_We both know that’s a lie.  
  
_ “Really, Simon?” Nora asked, rolling her eyes. “You’re smiling like one of Justin Bieber’s fangirls. It’s disgusting.”  
  
_Okay, well, I will still be mad at you. They’ll be mad kisses. The worst kind.  
  
_ “Don’t you have band practice or anywhere else to be right now?” Simon asked her. Nora rolled her eyes again and shut the car door harder than necessary. Simon looked back down to his phone.  
  
_I’m already wearing it. Hurry up and get in here, Garrett is trying to steal the last spot on the couch.  
  
__Class doesn’t start for another twenty minutes, come out to the parking lot.  
  
_ Simon smiled as he watched the three dots on his screen that said Bram was typing.  
  
_Where are you parked? I gave up an armrest, by the way.  
  
__Wow, you must like me a lot. Second row towards the front.  
  
__Something like that.  
  
_ A few moments later, Bram opened the door to Simon’s car and slid in Nora’s vacated seat. Instead of saying anything, Simon leaned over and pushed his mouth against Bram’s. Bram made a surprised noise, but responded enthusiastically a moment later.  
  
They were late to English.  
  
*  
  
The fifth time, Simon knew Bram wanted to say it too.  
  
Simon wasn’t sure if Bram was thinking about it too, but it was all he could think about. Since January they used their Jacques and Blue emails a few times; texting was simpler, though, and convenience usually beat nostalgia. They spent some nights texting through dinner or while working on homework, and sometimes they even talked on the phone before bed.  
  
All in all, there were a lot of opportunities for Simon to tell Bram he loved him. They just weren't the right opportunity.  
  
“Bram.”  
  
“I’m almost done,” Bram replied. Simon could hear his quick typing in the background of their call.  
  
Simon sighed. He pressed his phone in between his shoulder and his ear, and reached over to his desk to grabbed a handful of Goldfish crackers. “I thought the thing for History wasn’t due until Friday.”  
  
“I have practice every night this week,” Bram reminded him.  
  
“I still can’t believe your coach wants to ban me from your practices,” Simon complained.  
  
Bram chuckled. “I can.”  
  
“You can, can you?” Simon said, dropping his voice an octave lower. Bram was quiet. “Pray tell, Mr. Greenfeld, why is that?”  
  
“You’re ridiculous,” Bram said. Simon heard the smile in his voice. “Seriously, I have half of a conclusion to write and then I’m all yours.”  
  
“Fine.” Simon tossed another handful of Goldfish into his mouth. After swallowing, he sighed loudly and said, “I’ll just be here… entertaining myself…”  
  
He heard Bram laugh. “I know how you think that sounds but I can also hear you digging into the Goldfish bag on your dresser.”  
  
“You’re no fun,” Simon said. He sat and stared at his ceiling for a while, listening to the rhythmic taps of Bram’s keyboard through speakerphone. He tapped the home button on his phone so he could pull up their latest exchange of emails. Simon smiled as he read through them, and read the word _love_ as the closing to all of their messages.  
  
Maybe they were still getting used to being Simon and Bram instead of Jacques and Blue. Emails were their comfort spot, and it was becoming increasingly clearer that it was easier to type the words than say them aloud.  
  
“And, done,” Bram said, pulling Simon out of his thoughts.  
  
“Do you think we were closer as Jacques and Blue?” Simon asked before he lost his nerve.  
  
Bram was quiet for a second. “How so?”  
  
“Like.” Simon paused. He didn’t want to bring up The Love Thing. “When we were emailing we shared everything. Do you think we still have that closeness now that we talk more than we email?”  
  
“Well,” Bram said, “I think it’s different now, but I don’t think that’s a bad thing.”  
  
Simon bit his lip and didn’t say anything.  
  
“I wouldn’t trade the way we got to know each other for anything, Simon,” Bram said after a moment. “Do you remember in your message about the carnival, how you said we got to know each other from the inside out?” Simon made an affirming noise. He felt his cheeks flush. “I think we’re still getting to know each other on the surface now.”  
  
“God, even off Gmail you always know just what to say,” Simon said. He felt tension leave his shoulders. “How are you so perfect?”  
  
Bram chuckled. “My mom just gave me the look from the hallway.”  
  
“I should probably go too,” Simon said, sighing. “I didn’t realize it was almost midnight.”  
  
“I’ll see you tomorrow? You’re still coming over after practice, right?”  
  
“Yeah.” Simon tugged at a string on his jeans. “I— I’ll see you.”  
  
“Simon?” Bram suddenly asked.  
  
“Yeah?”  
  
“Don’t worry, okay? We’re not going backwards.”  
  
Simon chuckled softly. “Okay.”  
  
*  
  
When it finally happened, Simon knew it was worth the wait.  
  
As soon as the front door shut behind Bram’s mother, Bram dropped his pencil and turned so he could press his mouth against Simon’s jaw. His hand slid across Simon’s stomach so he could squeeze Simon’s hip. Simon let Bram pull him closer as Bram dragged his mouth to Simon’s neck. He felt the same happy ache in the pit of his stomach as he did whenever Bram kissed him.  
  
Simon cracked one eye open and watched while Bram’s mom backed her car out of the driveway. Bram’s mouth was on his neck doing all sorts of things to make Simon’s pulse race. “I really think your mom doesn’t like me.”  
  
“Simon,” Bram said, pulling back. “My mom is going to Publix. It’s a ten-minute drive there and a ten-minute drive back. I would love to explain to you that she has never seen me date anyone and she’s getting used to it when we don’t have the house to ourselves for twenty minutes.”  
  
Simon grinned. “Noted.” He reached over and pulled Bram’s shirt, dragging him closer until he could kiss him. Bram responded enthusiastically, pushing against Simon until Simon fell back on the couch, his head propped up by the armrest. Simon let one of his legs drop off the side of the couch as Bram moved on top of him. His other knee rested against the back of the couch. Bram propped himself on his elbows so his entire torso was against Simon’s. He leaned down and pressed a single, soft kiss to Simon’s lips.  
  
“Hi,” Simon whispered.  
  
Bram smiled. “Hey.”  
  
Simon lifted his head and captured Bram’s mouth into a kiss. Bram parted his lips and Simon closed his eyes. Bram just had a pair of soccer shorts, and Simon could feel that he was already hard. Simon was right there with him. His heart thudded in his chest. Bram’s fingers twisted in his hair.  
  
Sooner than Simon wanted, Bram lifted himself up onto his knee so he wasn’t against Simon. Simon lifted himself onto his elbows so he could still meet Bram’s mouth. He traced a path of kisses along Bram’s jaw to his ear.  
  
Simon thought about the emails. He thought about the carnival. About Oreo mush and Justin Bieber. About Blue and about Bram, and about being in love with Blue and being in love with Bram.  
  
“I love you,” he whispered with a soft, shaky exhale.  
  
Bram shifted so he could look at Simon. His eyes were wide and brown and open, and the setting sun casted a shadow against his eyelashes. God, he was so beautiful. Simon lifted his hand to Bram’s cheek and touched his soft skin.  
  
“I love you, too, Simon,” Bram said. Simon smiled like he couldn’t help it.  
  
Bram’s eyes flicked to the driveway. Simon heard the brakes on his mom’s car squeak.  
  
After one more quick kiss, Bram pulled himself off of Simon. He adjusted himself in his shorts with very flushed cheeks, making Simon smile. Simon dropped his other foot off the couch and sat up just as the lock on Bram’s front door twisted.  
  
Bram and his mom shared a look that made Simon blush, but she said nothing as she crossed in front of them towards the kitchen. When she was out of the room, Simon leaned over and rested his head against Bram’s shoulder. Bram wrapped his arm around Simon’s waist and pressed a kiss just above the frame of his glasses.  
  
Totally worth the wait.

**Author's Note:**

> [my tumblr](http://cutebramgreenfeld.tumblr.com) if you wanna say hi or send me fic ideas.


End file.
